CAUTION: This is a Satire!

YOU’RE TRUMPED: (Above) President Donald Trump at an event on December 2017, believes there’s no place for refugees and immigrants in the great U.S. of A.

Donald Trump hasn’t won… yet!

By Ramsay Short 

The Trump Post
Your Number 1 selling paper in all of America

November 12, 2018.
It has been two years since President Donald Trump was elected into office with a landslide victory over his opponent Hillary Clinton, who is now under house arrest awaiting trial after President Trump mobilized the U.S. Justice Department against her.

Over the past year, President Trump has travelled more than any other U.S. president abroad with his three consultants, who happen to be his children, helping them strike business deals with world leaders —real estate deals—in favor of Trump International.

Last night, the commander-in-chief of our country addressed the nation from the balcony of the WTH (White Trump House), and it was a fine speech. It was so fine, it was good.

Below is President Trump’s full speech:

“Hello America. You know, I thought it was about time I update you guys on what I’ve been doing over the last year, because you know making America great again is a tremendous but tough job, and you know, I know a lot of people and they are all great and helping; and what we are doing is just so good, really so good.

“Now I know some of you are worried because your basic necessities of life are running out and you’ve got thugs and gangs in your neighborhoods, but don’t worry. I’ve put through new legislation reducing the cost of all small arms, and some big arms too, you know because we need to help our gun manufacturers sell more merchandise. So, you can buy more weapons more easily to stop these Mexicans and A-rabs and Muslims who don’t want to leave the USA, hurting our children and stealing our livelihoods.

“USA USA! I love that chant, you know, because it just says everything about what makes us so great. When you shout it out, you feel good, really good. I do it every night with my wife before I sleep, it is so much fun for me, you know. When you are president you can do anything. And they let you.

“Now look don’t worry, I know, I know, because I am taking care of business because I am a businessman and that’s what I do; tremendously. And I do what I say I am going to do. If these Mexicans and Muslims don’t want to get out of America voluntarily and you can’t get them with your guns, we’ll send them to these new camps I’ve asked the Secretary of State for Homeland Security to build in Nevada. Big place Nevada. Lots of space. Lots of desert. Good place for them.

“And you can be sure no one else is coming in. Because after my bill banning all Muslims from entering America, today I announce that the great wall between the U.S. and Mexico is officially under construction. Yep. It is. And it’s tremendous. I’ve been down there. I’ve seen it. I’ve got a picture right here on my cellphone. And it’s just great I’m telling you; fabulous. It’s taller and bigger than any wall I’ve ever seen, and if the Chinese tell you otherwise, shoot them too, because their wall couldn’t keep the invaders out. Our wall is going to be 100 per cent effective I promise you. You know how I know that. Because we are relying on experts in building walls. Our Israeli friends are building it and they’ve done the studies, you know, and actually have the best wall—it will be second best when ours is built—over there in the Middle East, in the Holy Land, that’s doing a great job of keeping those Arab terrorists out.

“I can tell you. Those Daesh folks just don’t get in. So you will see that once this wall is finished, the tallest, biggest, strongest wall anywhere in the world, the Trump Wall if you like, no more Mexicans and Latinos will be getting into America; magnificent.

“Speaking of Israel I’ve also been talking to my good friend Prime Minister Netanyahu, a tremendous fella really, and we’ve come up with the Trump Solution to the Palestinian problem they’ve got over there. And it’s a great solution because the tradeoff is that the Israelis will build the Trump Wall for free in exchange—that’s why I am a great businessman, because I can pull off deals like this. I’ve proposed that we move them all—all them Palestinian A-rabs—to Hawaii. It’s a great deal. We own Hawaii, it’s hot, and there’s plenty of space there and it’s in the middle of the ocean. There’s no getting off it, unless we let them. Now I know our American citizens of Hawaii might have to leave, and I’ll pay for that, out of my own pocket, because that is what I usually say I will do; but really it’s just the best solution, because once, you know, those A-rabs are there that’s where they’ll stay and if the volcano erupts then hey, even better. It is win-win.

“You think Hilary Clinton could have done this? Not a chance. Women like her are weak and soft and out of touch. I’m not like that. I’m strong and tough and that’s why me and Vladimir Putin of Russia get on so well. This is a man’s world after all. So we’ve got together and sent our boys back to Iraq to finish the job our predecessors should have finished. We’re getting all the oil out from there. In the old days, when we won a war, to the victor belonged the spoils. So that’s what Vlad and I are doing. I am establishing a permanent base in I-raq for our military and we are going to take that oil and use it because it’s ours and that way the radical Islamists will not get it. Again a win-win situation. Iraq will be our 52nd state. And I know, I know you are worried about our boys but we’ll have lots of profits from the oil to pay for any medical care they need. It’s just fabulous and tremendous. If you could actually see all the things I am doing as president you would agree. You would love them.

“Which reminds me, no President of America should be stopped from acting due to political correctness. Just like the law I introduced last year against criminalizing men for harassing women—you know if Ivanka wasn’t my daughter I’d perhaps be dating her; she’s a fine good looking woman.

“Today, I have put through a bill to legalize the killing of all terrorists and their families. That’s what I’ve instructed my generals to do. It’s just tremendous now that I’m in charge we can get back to keeping America safe.

“Speaking of safety, I’ve also asked the Chief of Staff to move ahead with my plan to install missile defense systems in every single city in America. And it’s just a fabulous thing, you know, and a great deal for the American people. To make America great again we have to take these measures to protect ourselves from the Mexicans, Arabs and those Europeans who think they can tell us what to do. It’s a great deal, and I know a great deal when I see one. Just fabulous.

“Now I’ve heard talk in those rolls of toilet paper The Washington Past and News Ark Times attacking what I am doing. But let me tell you, they don’t know what they are talking about and soon they will not be able to talk about it at all. As of next year, criticizing the commander-in-chief will become a criminal offense. Leading the U.S., making America great again is not about policies, and thank God for that as I have no political experience, it’s about entrusting the nation to a strongman who can get things done; And that’s me. Whatever the problem, I can fix it.

“I am probably the most successful businessman America has ever seen. Whatever the threat, internal or external, as you can see, I am vanquishing it. Do I need to explain how? No, because I just do it. America, I have the same resentments and insecurities as you, and I can fix them. Who needs policies when you have me.
“Which is why I am assuming a new title along with commander-in-chief and president. It is simply ‘Great Leader.’ Isn’t it just tremendous? This country needs a great leader, and I am a great leader. If you can just see all the great projects I’ve led, you would agree. I am still working on a plan for the greatest healthcare project you’ve ever seen. Just wait for it. The plan is still in the making. Big things need time. My leadership is just so great. And any other leaders or citizens who disagree need to be punched in the face and run out of America. In fact, what’s needed to sort out all the people who disagree with me is to kick them all out. Beyond the Great Wall of Trump.

“Thank you very much everybody, and God Bless America, and no one else.”

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